Prohibiting teen from dating someone
“At this age we’re always fighting with our parents, so we need to feel we’re loved.” She’s quick to add that while she and her boyfriend love each other, they’re not . ” This is the new world of teen dating, and it can be almost unrecognizable to many parents.
Long gone is the tradition where a boy phones a girl on Tuesday to ask her out for Saturday, picks her up at her house, meets the parents, pays for dinner and a show, and sees her home.
I want to support her to start thinking through some of this for herself, but whereas she used to have very good judgment, these days she's running on low self esteem and hormones and I believe would follow anybody home who told her she had beautiful eyes. I talked to her about birth control and safe sex and she clearly was not ready. She went to his house once or twice, all when parents were home. When she has been out later with others I often pick her up (the joys of cell phones! I guess when there is another boyfriend I will want to meet him also.
( And yes, we've been addressing the low esteem for years.)She has no experience with dating. I say I could get behind that better if he would stop commenting on her physical beauty and if she would stop gushing. When she saw him I kept my cell phone on and when they were alone for the first time and he was pressuring her for sex, she called me and I picked her up immediately. I think it's a matter of what you are comfortable with and what she wants too.
But here’s the rub: your daughter is under the impression that he has changed and unless you plan to confine your daughter to your home and to remove any access she has to technology, you do not have the power to prevent her from being in contact with him.
I’m wondering what would happen if you lovingly shared the following with your daughter: “You know that we do not feel good about your boyfriend and you know why.
I cannot allow this boy into my home but I know that my daughter is now telling lies and sneaking around just to see him. I understand why, ideally, you would have wished to support your teenage daughter, share your concerns, and keep her safe while she came to her own conclusions about her new boyfriend.
I also understand the route you did choose – to forbid your daughter to see this boy – given his past involvement with vandalizing your home (not to mention his drug involvement).
And here’s how that went: Boy: “Do you wanna go out?And last year, he broke into our house while we were on vacation. I believe that I should support our daughter, voice our concerns but not forbid her from seeing him because that will make things worse. I forbid her from seeing him and told her he’s not allowed at our house.My daughter says he has changed and she really likes him.God loves us, and He does not want us to fail in life.But that sometimes means that He will not give us what we want when we want it because He knows the positive or negative results of our truest desires.